New Year

You might be thinking. What's with the title when it's already the last day of the year. (Okay, second to the last.) Anyways, just go with it, because this would be my first post for this year. 

After seeing my cousin's blog, I had the urge to post for my blog. 'Hey, I have a blog too!' Though, I rarely wrote on it, (well, yeah, post on it!) I'm not much of a writer, I'm not usually good with words. I only write things that randomly come across my thoughts. Which usually ends with a sense. Well, most of the time...

Let's talk about me. The latest me.

I'm turning 25 in a few days. (Not that I'm happy about it!) I'm currently working as a Passenger Service Agent (PSA). What's a PSA? We work at the airport, for airline companies. We're also called Ground Crew/Staff. We're the ones who checks you in for your flights, account you on your boarding gates, wishes you a safe flight before entering the aircraft and greets you when you arrive at your destinations. We're also the ones who assist and handle delayed flights. Our company also calls us "multi-tasked agents". Right now, I'm also a Lounge Agent. We handle premium counters and of course we're the ones who are stationed at the lounge to welcome first and business class passengers and of course, airline members. 

I'm working here for about 1 year and 10 months upon deployment. Or, 1 year and 7months  upon contract signing. I just need a couple of months more. I'll soon be signing a regularization contract and my bond for mu contract. See, I just need my bond. But the regularization contract? No, thank you. I want to change my work already. 

Why, you ask? Well, the work is okay. It's bearable. Easy to get used to. But the schedule sucks. The management stinks. Asking for a leave is like asking for a rain in a drought season. And the pay is unreasonable. I'll elaborate some other time. 

Family. My mom and youngest brother is living in Japan already. My another brother, who's 3 years younger than me is a dancer. My pa passed away. My older siblings are mostly the same where I left them last 2 years ago. 

Me. Still single. About 5 years already. Though, i kinda got into some mess about a couple of times. But still, I'm gravely sorry for that and praying not to mess up again. 

Well, that's it for now. I'm currently at work. And we're running an open flight so I have time on my hands. Haha :)  

Here's a pic of what I took earlier. 

Is it what really it is?

Lonely. Confused. Unloved. Unwanted. Alone.

Its been too long since I've felt love and being loved back. Does really time takes it's toll on my feelings that I am starting to like people that are nice to me. Doing or saying what I long to hear for too long?

Or am I just rushing myself for a completely perfect time to fall in love.? Or is it just me that wants to be loved back no matter who it is.? For my fear of not having someone to love and to be loved back. And my fear for being hurt again weighs down my heart.

I want to believe that someday, somewhere, someone is thinking the same way I do. Hoping that someone, in someplace will someday find me.

I'm praying to find thd one that I deserve and will deserve me as well. But for the meantime, I'm earnestly praying to God to make me to be that answered prayer to someone I'm praying for.

Though I tend to get lonely, but I pray to always have the faith in Him and the courage to believe that all what I'm praying for will come true.

Going Straight.

It's been a while since i had  my hair done. I was trying to go for a new look but nothing in my life right now motivates me. Then as usual i just settled with a straight one hoping it could make some difference in my frizzy, disarray life. 

Honestly, i have so many plans yet none seems real right now. And I hate it. 

Suspension

Seems like we have so many time to consume but when we get through it all,it seems time is not enough at all. It's kinda confusing and yet i'm too lazy to work what i need to do. 

I know it's time for me to stop chasing my dream but to really catch it this time ^_^ 

Well you see i'm not getting any younger anymore. 

Morning.

The smell of the morning coffee. Just the smell wants me to get up from my bed and make some so I can drink. Nothing beats the morning coffee.:) but it would be better to have someone to share that coffee with..

Right now..

I feel tired. I don't know why. Whenever things don't go the things I want. I tend to run away. I don't want to but I don't feel happy anymore. It weighs down my heart. I always thought I was strong. But it seems that if I care about someone, and that someone doesn't like me the way I liked them or if they'd hurt me I weaken myself. I feel more tired, and yet I can't confront them. I'm not okay being hurt but I'd rather be hurt than to confirm that there's something wrong about me. It's bad right?


The very fact is that I'm hurting right now...

Too many random things..

I have a lot of things in my head these couple of days. And I'm feeling, like I'll burst out in any moment. Then I remembered I had a blog. Now, I'm writing, more like typing, I juat can't figure out what to write. Strange isn't it?

Whether it's about my dilemma at work, the scorching heat of the weather, my search for a new apartment or the apreciation I have for my family. It's all jumbled in my head that I can't figure out what to rant about first, or if I still should write about it. See when I thought of these things I imagine writing them, how to write them or the amount of things I would share (not that anyone would read these). But still. Now that I'm writing, well not a single word about my imaginated writing came up.

It's like I'm just contented I could write. Whatever I'm ranting about. I'm not that good of a writer but I do like to write.